This past Sunday I graduated from CNU. The rain held off and while the morning started out overcast, about halfway through Commencement the sun popped out and it ended up being an absolutely beautiful day. I know a lot of people got sunburnt and even though I was a little miserable in my black robes with the sun blaring down, I was protected from the sun. Last week and the days leading up to graduation were pretty difficult for me. Friday was my last day of work at the Freeman Center, where I worked all four years and at the end of my shift I definitely started crying. It was the first time I had to start saying goodbye to people and the realization that it was all over hit me like a brick wall. That evening we had our PLP (President's Leadership Program) Senior Celebration and it was again another closing to something I have been a part of for the past four years. During the ceremony a friend of mine had to give a speech and he talked about how it's the relationships we've built with people that we are going to remember. I can honestly say I have made some amazing friends over the past four years. Many of them older that have gone on to bigger and better things, those who have gone through the entire experience with me and some younger that I am leaving behind and I cannot wait to see what their final years bring for them.
Commencement was such a bittersweet experience for me because while I am thrilled to be done with school, I know we won't all be in one place again. Everyone is moving on and starting the new phases of their lives, or some are finishing up their remaining years at CNU. The biggest thing I have been struggling with is the idea that I am starting over here in Roanoke. I am now charged with building new friendships and finding those ties to my hometown that I used to have. I have only been home for a day and a half but in my boredom, it is really sinking in that I need to reconnect to this place. A friend of mine put it to me this way, going back to Newport News right now won't do me a lot of good because eventually everyone I know is going to be graduating and in the same boat I am in now, this is just a part of growing up and a new phase in my life. That is a hard pill to swallow.
I am incredibly excited to see what the Lord has planned for me over the next year, but I am also absolutely terrified. So if you feel so inclined to just say a little prayer that I will find some comfort and that God will just lead me in this new phase of my life, I would really appreciate it.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
God's Word
"For the word of God is living and active." Hebrews 4:12
The section I am in of my Devotional is "Shaped by His Word". The focus is about how to dive into scripture and how to let scripture lead your daily life. After all, scripture is God's word right? It always seems to me that whenever something is heavy on my heart, God uses scripture to set me at ease and to answer the questions on my mind. The hardest part about a heavenly Father is that as humans we need something tangible. It is hard to have a relationship with someone you can't physically see. My thought is that through prayer and just being in the Word you are in company with God. Something I struggle with is the concept that God wants a relationship with me. Who am I to deserve God's grace?
While I find that God answers my questions through scripture I know that he reaches me in other ways. Today I found solace through a book.
I am re-reading my favorite book, Blue Like Jazz, and there is a part when Donald Miller is telling a story about a conversation he had with one of his good friends who had recently gotten married. Don was asking his friend if he thought marriage was all it was cracked up to be and his friend said "It is so much more." His friend tells him that he thought that marriage would give him this feeling of being complete and whole, but it didn't. He says there is nothing wrong with his wife but "there are places in our lives that only God can go." When I first started reading the section I was annoyed but then I felt convicted. His friend explains what he meant by saying "It is so much more." He means that through loving his wife he is able to better interact with God. He says "I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love."
It's like the words jumped off the page and smacked me in the face. By loving others and allowing others to love me, to find myself lovable, I will learn how to accept who God is and be in a relationship with him. I struggle a lot with loving myself and uncertainty over how to love other people. I feel selfish because I don't feel like I have truly learned how to care about other people in the way they need. I rely a lot on acceptance from other people, but the reality I am dealing with is that I have to be accepting of myself first. I have to learn how to accept God's grace and how to accept myself. I have to find my worth in this world before I can be "loved purely and furiously" by any friend I make.
So I feel like this is my charge as I enter the "real world" post college: Learn how to accept God's grace. Learn how to accept myself. Learn how to build relationships with other people that benefit us both, not just me. Learn how to care for others. Learn humility.
The section I am in of my Devotional is "Shaped by His Word". The focus is about how to dive into scripture and how to let scripture lead your daily life. After all, scripture is God's word right? It always seems to me that whenever something is heavy on my heart, God uses scripture to set me at ease and to answer the questions on my mind. The hardest part about a heavenly Father is that as humans we need something tangible. It is hard to have a relationship with someone you can't physically see. My thought is that through prayer and just being in the Word you are in company with God. Something I struggle with is the concept that God wants a relationship with me. Who am I to deserve God's grace?
While I find that God answers my questions through scripture I know that he reaches me in other ways. Today I found solace through a book.
I am re-reading my favorite book, Blue Like Jazz, and there is a part when Donald Miller is telling a story about a conversation he had with one of his good friends who had recently gotten married. Don was asking his friend if he thought marriage was all it was cracked up to be and his friend said "It is so much more." His friend tells him that he thought that marriage would give him this feeling of being complete and whole, but it didn't. He says there is nothing wrong with his wife but "there are places in our lives that only God can go." When I first started reading the section I was annoyed but then I felt convicted. His friend explains what he meant by saying "It is so much more." He means that through loving his wife he is able to better interact with God. He says "I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love."
It's like the words jumped off the page and smacked me in the face. By loving others and allowing others to love me, to find myself lovable, I will learn how to accept who God is and be in a relationship with him. I struggle a lot with loving myself and uncertainty over how to love other people. I feel selfish because I don't feel like I have truly learned how to care about other people in the way they need. I rely a lot on acceptance from other people, but the reality I am dealing with is that I have to be accepting of myself first. I have to learn how to accept God's grace and how to accept myself. I have to find my worth in this world before I can be "loved purely and furiously" by any friend I make.
So I feel like this is my charge as I enter the "real world" post college: Learn how to accept God's grace. Learn how to accept myself. Learn how to build relationships with other people that benefit us both, not just me. Learn how to care for others. Learn humility.
Monday, May 2, 2011
School's Out For... Ever
It is official, I am done with college. I finished my last assignment Saturday (a picture book, yes my last assignment to complete for undergrad was to draw and color a 32 page picture book). After I turned in my picture book I was walking across campus holding back tears because it hit me that it was all over. I was looking at our beautiful, sprawling campus and thinking about this place that had been my home for the past four years that I am going to be leaving in two weeks. I think I have been in denial that this day would ever come and graduation always seemed like a far off place I wouldn't reach for a really long time.
There are many reasons I am not ready to say bye to CNU. I don't want to say bye to these people I have spent the last four years establishing relationships with. I don't want to say bye to the younger friends I have made that I will leave behind here. I don't want to say bye to my sorority sisters and the bonds I have formed with these amazing women, particularly my littles. I am going to miss being able to just walk to the library and go to Einstein's to find a friend if I am bored. I will miss, much like high school, being able to walk across campus and always seeing a familiar face. Basically, if you haven't gotten the gist, I am going to miss this place like crazy.
I am moving back to Roanoke after graduation. For the last few weeks of the school year I will be substitute teaching and this summer I am going to be working my regular jobs at the RAC and Katie's Ice Cream. It will be good not to jump right into a really serious job when I go home for the summer. Once school starts back in August I will be substitute teaching for the school year and working part time at my other jobs. I am really looking forward to what this next year will hold in store. I will have the freedom to visit new places and come visit all of my friends at CNU. I won't be tied down to Roanoke, which is a great thing. I am really interested to see how my faith grows next year as well. I cannot wait to be able to go to my church again and have a more active role there. I am going to look into volunteer leading with Young Life or serving some ministry, I am not quite sure yet what but I know I want to. I really pray next year I am able to find fellowship, I know without it I will go a little bonkers.
I am currently re-reading for the bajillionth time Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. The subtitle is 'Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality'. It is a phenomenal book and it really makes you think a lot so I recommend it to any and every one!
There are many reasons I am not ready to say bye to CNU. I don't want to say bye to these people I have spent the last four years establishing relationships with. I don't want to say bye to the younger friends I have made that I will leave behind here. I don't want to say bye to my sorority sisters and the bonds I have formed with these amazing women, particularly my littles. I am going to miss being able to just walk to the library and go to Einstein's to find a friend if I am bored. I will miss, much like high school, being able to walk across campus and always seeing a familiar face. Basically, if you haven't gotten the gist, I am going to miss this place like crazy.
I am moving back to Roanoke after graduation. For the last few weeks of the school year I will be substitute teaching and this summer I am going to be working my regular jobs at the RAC and Katie's Ice Cream. It will be good not to jump right into a really serious job when I go home for the summer. Once school starts back in August I will be substitute teaching for the school year and working part time at my other jobs. I am really looking forward to what this next year will hold in store. I will have the freedom to visit new places and come visit all of my friends at CNU. I won't be tied down to Roanoke, which is a great thing. I am really interested to see how my faith grows next year as well. I cannot wait to be able to go to my church again and have a more active role there. I am going to look into volunteer leading with Young Life or serving some ministry, I am not quite sure yet what but I know I want to. I really pray next year I am able to find fellowship, I know without it I will go a little bonkers.
I am currently re-reading for the bajillionth time Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. The subtitle is 'Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality'. It is a phenomenal book and it really makes you think a lot so I recommend it to any and every one!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Final Countdown...
So I kind of failed on that whole posting every week until school was over thing. It's been a crazy past few weeks! This week is my last week of classes, tomorrow is my last day of class and then I have three finals and a picture book to do next week. Eeek! I am only slightly freaking out. I really have no idea how to sum up the past few years, so I guess I'm not going to. I graduate in less than a month and I really can't believe it is actually here. Two of my good friends are getting married this weekend and I am so excited to celebrate with them. I have known the groom since the 7th grade, he's from back home, and I have known the bride since 9th grade, she was one of my older sister's roommates here at CNU. It will be my first real wedding and I just know that having all of our high school friends together will be so much fun!
I'm kind of just rambling ...
a verse that is on my mind today ~ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. colossians 3:15
I have been praying a lot lately for peace about what this summer/next year hold for me. I know that the Lord is taking care of my and has a wonderful plan laid out for me.
I'm kind of just rambling ...
a verse that is on my mind today ~ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. colossians 3:15
I have been praying a lot lately for peace about what this summer/next year hold for me. I know that the Lord is taking care of my and has a wonderful plan laid out for me.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Welcome Back
Soo I took a rather long sabbatical from blogging this year. I don't know if I was lacking motivation or I just felt like there wasn't much to blog about. Regardless, I have decided to restart.
This week starts the last of 5 weeks I have left at CNU, including Finals. In five weeks I will be done with my undergraduate experience here at CNU. Each week for the next four I am going to do a recap of each year here. In seven weeks I will walk across stage and receive my Diploma, shake President Trible's hand and hug Rosemary Trible and it will all be over.
It is a very surreal feeling, for the past few weeks particularly I have been reflecting on the past four years. I have been remembering the fun times and I know every day how much I am going to miss this place and the people here. I will miss seeing dozens of people I know every day, people I can hug and share laughs with. I am definitely prepared to be done with classes, but I know whatever I end up doing next year I will be at the least, four hours away from here :(
I cannot wait to see the plans God has for me next year and I am just really trusting that whatever happens will be the best for me.
This week starts the last of 5 weeks I have left at CNU, including Finals. In five weeks I will be done with my undergraduate experience here at CNU. Each week for the next four I am going to do a recap of each year here. In seven weeks I will walk across stage and receive my Diploma, shake President Trible's hand and hug Rosemary Trible and it will all be over.
It is a very surreal feeling, for the past few weeks particularly I have been reflecting on the past four years. I have been remembering the fun times and I know every day how much I am going to miss this place and the people here. I will miss seeing dozens of people I know every day, people I can hug and share laughs with. I am definitely prepared to be done with classes, but I know whatever I end up doing next year I will be at the least, four hours away from here :(
I cannot wait to see the plans God has for me next year and I am just really trusting that whatever happens will be the best for me.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
This semester the Lord has really taken my heart. Not that he didn't have it in the first place, but he is really pursuing me right now. I have been trying to read scripture every night before I go to bed and I just love it. I feel like whatever is heavy on my heart he knows and answers me through his word. I am really enjoying being in the word and God is obviously showing me the lessons I need to be learning.
I have a really big problem with anxiety, not a legitimate medical issue, but I worry about any and absolutely everything. To this the Lord responds "Do not be anxious, but everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6. I worry about my future, I worry about where my life is going, I worry that I am not living the way the Lord wants me to, I worry I am not living "according to his purpose" Romans 8:28. I also worry about the person I used to be, I used to be a brat, I used to be terrible to my Mom and my brothers. My Mom is my best friend now, I can't say that I have wonderful relationships with my brothers now but we have come a far way. I pray constantly for them that they will know the Lord the way I do, and they will find happiness in Christ.
I am very excited with anticipation for Graduation in May. I will be done with college, life as a "kid" will be over as I know it. I plan on taking a year or two off of school in order to live at home, work and save money. I am very excited about this, but nervous still. Although I have lived in Roanoke for nearly 14 years, it is still going to feel like starting over. I considered applying for several real big girl jobs, but right now the Lord is telling me to rest. I have been going going going since High School and honestly, I'm tired, right now the Lord is just telling me: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30.
I love while I have no prescribed way for they way I read the Bible, the Lord still finds a way to connect with me and what is heavy on my heart. I think maybe that is why I have been enjoying my nightly quiet time so much.
It almost seems as though this calm is washing over me. Today a friend of mine, who is graduating in December, were talking and he asked me if I was stressed out about school because his load is very heavy right now. I told him with all honesty, "No", I am honestly not. I have my Senior Sem paper, a rather large paper for my Leadership class and 5 finals to study for, yet I am not stressed out about it. This does not mean I am not studying or procrastinating or anything, it simply means that I am completely at ease and in no way overwhelmed by what lies ahead. I am ready for this semester to be over for sure, but that is mainly because I am so excited for next semester.
This will be my class schedule this Spring:
Tuesday/Thursday
930-1045 Jazz Dance
11-1215 Forensic Psychology
1-215 Children's Picture Books
4-515 Adolescent Literature
530-645 Leadership Internship Seminar
I am taking classes that I am so excited about and I have a classes 2 days a week, 5 days off a week? Needless to say my last semester at CNU will be the best academically.
The verse sticking in my head right now is "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
I have a really big problem with anxiety, not a legitimate medical issue, but I worry about any and absolutely everything. To this the Lord responds "Do not be anxious, but everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6. I worry about my future, I worry about where my life is going, I worry that I am not living the way the Lord wants me to, I worry I am not living "according to his purpose" Romans 8:28. I also worry about the person I used to be, I used to be a brat, I used to be terrible to my Mom and my brothers. My Mom is my best friend now, I can't say that I have wonderful relationships with my brothers now but we have come a far way. I pray constantly for them that they will know the Lord the way I do, and they will find happiness in Christ.
I am very excited with anticipation for Graduation in May. I will be done with college, life as a "kid" will be over as I know it. I plan on taking a year or two off of school in order to live at home, work and save money. I am very excited about this, but nervous still. Although I have lived in Roanoke for nearly 14 years, it is still going to feel like starting over. I considered applying for several real big girl jobs, but right now the Lord is telling me to rest. I have been going going going since High School and honestly, I'm tired, right now the Lord is just telling me: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30.
I love while I have no prescribed way for they way I read the Bible, the Lord still finds a way to connect with me and what is heavy on my heart. I think maybe that is why I have been enjoying my nightly quiet time so much.
It almost seems as though this calm is washing over me. Today a friend of mine, who is graduating in December, were talking and he asked me if I was stressed out about school because his load is very heavy right now. I told him with all honesty, "No", I am honestly not. I have my Senior Sem paper, a rather large paper for my Leadership class and 5 finals to study for, yet I am not stressed out about it. This does not mean I am not studying or procrastinating or anything, it simply means that I am completely at ease and in no way overwhelmed by what lies ahead. I am ready for this semester to be over for sure, but that is mainly because I am so excited for next semester.
This will be my class schedule this Spring:
Tuesday/Thursday
930-1045 Jazz Dance
11-1215 Forensic Psychology
1-215 Children's Picture Books
4-515 Adolescent Literature
530-645 Leadership Internship Seminar
I am taking classes that I am so excited about and I have a classes 2 days a week, 5 days off a week? Needless to say my last semester at CNU will be the best academically.
The verse sticking in my head right now is "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
Friday, October 15, 2010
Fall
I am pretty sure I say this every year, but I absolutely LOVE Fall. I love everything about it. I love the crisp air, the changing leaves, wearing comfy sweaters, leggings, candy corn, pumpkin everything ... I could really go on and on.
One thing I want to know is this, when/how do we learn to describe Fall as crisp? I don't know how I just know that the only word to describe the Fall weather is crisp. I have such great memories as a little kid trick-or-treating with my cousins and loving the smell and feel of the air. I love playing in the leaves. I love how pretty everything is when the leaves are changing. I love when I get to drive home in the Fall and once I get back into the mountains the blankets of color that seem to have taken over them. I have always really enjoyed Halloween, it was my second favorite holiday as a child - after Christmas. It is my Mom's favorite holiday and she made our costumes when we were little, they were always so awesome.
Here are some of the fabulous costumes I wore through the years: Ninja Turtle, Jasmine, Angel, Petland employee, Witch, Cheerleader, Oompa Loompa, Max from Where the Wild Things are, Buddy the Elf.
I can't wait to carve a pumpkin and eat some roasted pumpkin seeds!
Happy Fall everyone!
One thing I want to know is this, when/how do we learn to describe Fall as crisp? I don't know how I just know that the only word to describe the Fall weather is crisp. I have such great memories as a little kid trick-or-treating with my cousins and loving the smell and feel of the air. I love playing in the leaves. I love how pretty everything is when the leaves are changing. I love when I get to drive home in the Fall and once I get back into the mountains the blankets of color that seem to have taken over them. I have always really enjoyed Halloween, it was my second favorite holiday as a child - after Christmas. It is my Mom's favorite holiday and she made our costumes when we were little, they were always so awesome.
Here are some of the fabulous costumes I wore through the years: Ninja Turtle, Jasmine, Angel, Petland employee, Witch, Cheerleader, Oompa Loompa, Max from Where the Wild Things are, Buddy the Elf.
I can't wait to carve a pumpkin and eat some roasted pumpkin seeds!
Happy Fall everyone!
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