Auld Lang Syne

Auld Lang Syne

I check the blogs I like to read pretty regularly, but the past few months I haven't posted on my own. I don't know if I was being lazy or just didn't feel like I had anything interesting enough to talk about. It is only a few days until 2012 and this year more than any other, I feel excited to start a new year. 2011 was a rough year for me and lots of huge transitions. I looked up the translation of "Auld Lang Syne", the New Years song of choice, and it means roughly "for (the sake of) old times." I kind of take this to mean remembering the past with fondness while looking forward to the future eagerly. In 2011 I started my last semester of college, I made new friends at CNU that are some of my best friends now, I got a new little (and grandlittle!) in my Phi Mu family, I went to Costa Rica for a fun/relaxing spring break, I graduated from CNU, moved back to Roanoke, served as a nanny at Sharp Top for a month, became a substitute teacher, started leading Young Life at my high school and got accepted into grad school.

Leaving CNU was the hardest thing I had to do all year. It is still hard being away from my friends there and missing being in that environment. I cherish my visits up there more than anything.

I look forward to 2012 to start anew and set some goals to strive toward. I wrote a letter of sorts kind of describing my hopes for next year. Here is my main goal:
"I will live for the Lord and do all things to glorify him. I will use self control and discipline to prevent myself from doing things that displease the Lord. I will stop doing things I know I shouldn’t just because I feel satisfaction. I will stop living in the past. I will live in the moment and know that my future is in the hands of the Lord and that he has a master plan for my life."

Some other goals I have set for myself:
* Read my 1 year Bible
* Become a member of my church (I'm starting the new member class mid January)
* Run DC Half Marathon (March) or Charlottesville Half Marathon (April)
* Run Va Beach Half Marathon (September) in memory of my friend Erik who passed away after running it in 2009.
* All A's in Grad classes

Have you set any goals for yourself? Happy New Year!

2011 in pictures

Bid Day 2011 when I ran back to Phi Mu after being disaffiliated as an RC since the previous October.

Family with our new additions!

Sigma Date Night with my fave Sigma

Costa Babes

Carnation Ball, Roomie and our dates

Jamie & Jaime Hyatt

PLP Graduation with President and Rosemary Trible

SPE Formal with two of my most favorite people

Phi Mu Seniors at our last Formal Business

CNU Graduation



My fellow Nanny, Sophi and I at Sharp Top

Little's 21st Birthday!



CNU Homecoming with our King <3

SPE Semi Formal with JoVo

Lighthouse Partner. WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU!?

Rainy Day

It is a rainy day today here in Roanoke, and I took the day off from subbing so I am sitting at home cozied up at the computer. I figured it's been a few weeks since I updated on here and I have some time on my hands this morning. Although I took the day off, I got up bright and early to go to Campaigners at 7. I am so proud of high schoolers who will get up so early to come have fellowship and get into the word. I know when I was in high school just getting up for school was a struggle, heck it still is. If you are wondering what Campaigners is I guess I should rewind a bit and catch up on what's been going on.

For the past month I have been going to Leadership meetings for Roanoke Valley's Young Life and bouncing around to different school's events to see where I would be best fit to lead Young Life. As of last Thursday, I am officially leading at my high school, Patrick Henry. I am so excited to be a part of the team at PH with Josh and Lindsay Goodman. They are such sweet friends and stunning examples, not only for kids but for me as well. It is so neat to go to club on Monday nights and see how PH Young Life has changed and grown since I graduated. Let me tell y'all the Lord is doing awesome things at PH and in the Roanoke Valley. There are so many kids who are just in love with the Lord and want their classmates to know Christ. I am so humbled by a lot of these kids and their hearts for the Lord, they are pursuing a relationship with Christ, which in high school might not always look like the coolest thing to do, but they don't let the desire to be cool overrun their love for Christ. I would just ask for y'all to be praying for me as I get to know girls and form friendships with them that I would be able to love on them and encourage them in their walks. I would ask that you pray for kids, every time they step into PH, they are stepping into a battlefield and there are so many broken souls in that school that just need the Lord in their lives.

Campaigners for those of you who are wondering is a time for our Young Life kids to come and share fellowship and study the Bible together. It is really awesome to see kids getting so much out of the word and talking about how they can relate it to their own lives. We are currently going through John 15, which if you haven't read is some pretty great stuff!


In other news, I have been subbing just a few days a week and it has been a great learning experience thus far. I have learned that Elementary school is definitely my calling. I have learned that high school is hard, at least for subs. It has been difficult finding a middle ground between being an authority figure and being a teacher teenagers enjoy. It is so easy/tempting for high schoolers to try and take advantage of the fact that I am a sub, even though I went to the school and know how things really work. I have also been working my other two part time jobs so I stay awfully busy. I am however hoping to start Grad school in the spring here in Roanoke. I will hopefully be pursuing my Masters in Teaching and getting my VA Teaching License.

That's pretty much it for now, but I will try to keep up more consistently on here.

In Case You Were Wondering

It has been a few months since I have posted on here, mainly because there hasn't been anything too exciting to talk about. The rest of my Summer was filled with 60+ hour work weeks and a couple visits up to CNU to visit some of my best friends that are still there. It is officially Autumn (I don't know when we started saying Fall instead of Autumn, but I like Autumn better) and I started my job as a Substitute Teacher last week.

For anyone that does not know, I moved back home after graduation and my plan at the moment is to stay here in Roanoke so I can work and save money. I am looking into a few Masters in Teaching programs available in Roanoke, hopefully to start in the Spring semester. I quickly realized after graduation that my desire to "take a year off from school" was just silly. I am ready to get back into school so I can get my teaching license and have a real job. I am working right now as a sub and at my other two part time jobs. This definitely creates a hectic schedule for me, and a tiring one at that. I am trying my best to save money, though not for anything in particular. The Lord has been working on my heart a lot since I have been home and this season of my life has definitely been one of reflection and just diving deeper into the word. I participated in Young Life all through high school and stayed connected with it throughout college. It is a ministry I really love and feel called toward. Now that I am back in Roanoke, I have decided to pursue serving as a volunteer leader for Young Life. It has been incredible thus far to share fellowship with the other leaders and see the awesome things God is during in Roanoke Young Life. I am really looking forward to seeing how the Lord is going to use me within the ministry. Now, for what everyone is probably really curious about... my first week as a Substitute Teacher.



Day 1. High School. 9th Grade Earth Science. This school is a difficult school in general. It is really unfortunate to say but a lot of the kids there have no desire to be there and the dropout rate is really bad. I went there that day optimistic, yet unsure of what to expect. The first period of the day was okay, for the first part of the period there was another teacher in there to help me. I guess I don't remember having classes like this in high school, but these kids would just not stop talking. No matter how many times I asked them to stop chatting with one another so they could pay attention to the lecture, they just wouldn't. Every period (I had 4, one of them was a history class) that day was like this. I most definitely did not have their respect and they really could have cared less that I was in "authority". The last period of the day, the absolute WORST. I am not exaggerating, but I could not get through 30 seconds of material without having to stop and ask them to be quiet because I could not even hear myself talking. The "funniest" (at least according to my sister, who has told everyone we know the story) episode of the day was an encounter I had last period with a student. This girl got up in the middle of lecture, walked over to her friend’s desk across the room and proceeded to lean on her friend’s desk and have a conversation. I asked her to take her seat and she didn't even acknowledge me. I walked over and again asked her to sit down. She turned her head to me, scowled at me and said "I am TALKING to my friend" and turned back to her friend. I told her she could save it for after class and to take her seat. She stood upright said "OH MY GOSH get out of my face... if we was on the streets I would have hit you." I am not kidding. She said that to me. My response: "Awesome, take your seat." She told me I was rude and that she was going to tell the principal on me. This honestly makes me laugh now but how sad is that? How do teachers connect with these kids to encourage them to learn? Do they even want to learn? Certainly there were a few paying attention to me and engaging, but really I am astonished at how disrespectful the majority of them were.

Day 2. Middle School. 8th Grade Physical Science. This day was much better than Day 1, probably because middle schoolers still have enough "fear" of teachers so they get quiet when asked. They were definitely chatty kids but most of them really did pay attention and engaged with me. In my Substitute Handbook it tells us not to lend students ballpoint pens because they can "use them to shoot spit balls." I thought this was a joke. Well my friends, this is no joke and my backside can confirm this. Yes, a student "shot" me in the butt with a little paper spit ball. I do not even know how kids learn to disassemble their pens to use them for this, but REALLY? You are going to shoot the sub in the butt? Ohmylanta.

Day 3. Elementary School. 4th Grade English. HEAVEN. I am so in love with elementary school. Not to mention I love this particular school because I did my senior year internship there in high school. I really enjoyed these kids and actually knew a couple of my students from my job at the gym. The kids were helpful and respectful. There were definitely some moments I had to bring them back to focus, but they actually listened (imagine that, 9 year olds more respectful than 15 year olds). If I could sub at that school every day, any grade, I would be supremely happy.

I know this was super long, but I wanted to share with you just a little about my first week as a sub. Many funny stories to come I am sure!

Early Bird

My last few weeks at SharpTop were great. I cannot describe the joy that I get from living in community and from playing with a bunch of little ones every day. I sincerely miss waking up and walking downstairs in Eagle Branch into the living room greeted by precious children eating cereal or playing with blocks. I miss a lot about being there... I am only slightly embarrassed to say I cried when I said bye to everyone. This was primarily because all of the parents kept thanking me for being there, even though I wasn't their nanny, they told me they really appreciated me loving on their kids anyways. I don't know how to take compliments, maybe I don't feel like I deserve them or maybe I am just flattered... but I cry every time.
Side note: On the last night there we saw a momma Black Bear and her four adorable cubs right in our backyard! I didn't even consider the imminent danger, all I wanted to do was go play with the cubs.

Photo Credit

Oh if you’re a bird, be an early bird
And catch the worm for your breakfast plate.
If you’re a bird, be an early early bird
But if you’re a worm, sleep late. Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends

Upon returning home from SharpTop I knew I had a few tough weeks ahead of me. The main reason being because I would have to wake up each week day at four am to be at work at four thirty. (Yes there are people waiting in the parking lot when I pull in each morning to work out. And yes there are people that get in and swim at 5:01) All this after spending 4 weeks of being spoiled and "sleeping in" until at least nine almost every day. I just finished week two of this and I survived. I did feel kind of lame being in bed by 9 each night. I have actually come to enjoy my time in the morning to sit in silence and watch the lap swimmers or read when the pool is empty. I love the air in the early morning, even though I am not a morning person, I wish I was soo bad.

After this week I will go back to a "normal" schedule of shifts after eight am. I have been a little indifferent about school starting back and actually starting to sub. I met with my boss the other day to give her some paper work. All I have left to do is choose the schools I want to sub at and I am all set. This made me actually pretty excited to start. I will also be glad to (hopefully) have a set schedule Monday-Friday. I am also pretty excited for a change of scenery. I have been working at my two jobs now since my Junior year in high school and the summer after Freshman year at CNU. Needless to say it is time to start something new and a little more grown up. I am excited to learn more about teaching and especially to get more exposure because all of my experience in schools has been kindergarten and a semester in fifth grade. I undoubtedly will also have some memorable experiences as a substitute teacher to share, so get excited!

It's a small world after all

Young Life really is the smallest world. I have so many mutual friends with people I have met here at Sharp Top. Also, I have known at least one person who was leading campers each week I have been here. Week 1, a guy I've known since 6th grade was leading kids from Charlottesville, that was a really awesome coincidence. Week 2, the Area Director from Fredericksburg, Va and his wife were here. I've known Cliff since high school, he did his intern years of YL staff in Roanoke. He got married a few years back and I met his wife back in 2009 when I was on Summer Staff at Windy Gap, she is such a sweetheart. Halfway through the week I realized another friend of mine I worked with at home was leading some guys from Fredericksburg as well. This week I am really happy to see some old Summer Staff friends of mine. My friends Will, Ben, Mary Cameron and Matt are here leading kids, I did Summer Staff in 2008 with them here at Sharp Top. It is so crazy to see what 3 years has done in their lives. Will and Mary Cameron started dating, Ben got engaged and Matt got married! Even cooler, Will, Ben and Matt are on Young Life staff now. My friend Doogie that I did Summer Staff with in 2009 at Windy Gap is here as well leading some kids. I just think it is really cool that I am at Sharp Top Cove, in Jasper, Georgia - the middle of nowhere and I have known someone each week I have been here. I really hope I know someone next week just to keep my streak going.

Happy Fourth of July/Happy Birthday to my baby brother who is 17!

Tonight the kids' Mom leaves to go home for work so I am back to full Nanny mode after she leaves until she comes back on Friday. I really feel like this week has been good just kind of observing how Sarah is with the kids as far as where they can go alone and all that stuff. I think week 1 I was just over-strict because I didn't know what was okay and what wasn't. Now that I do I think it will be a lot easier to watch after the kids. I really can't believe that there are only two weeks left, the first two really flew by.

God has been doing great things here and has been using everyone here to speak a lot of truth into my life. My favorite part of the day is at night. There are a million stars out and just a sound track of crickets and frogs and all of the awesome sounds of nature. That is definitely how I see God's beauty each day.

Relaxation

This past Friday the Mom of the kids I am nannying came to camp for ten days because she is off work. This means that I am off nannying duty and am pretty much free to do whatever I want. I have enjoyed spending time in fellowship with some of the wives on the Assigned Team and just building community with them. This is something I need. I need human interaction. I think that is part of why I was (am) so sad to be done with school. What a perfect world would it be to walk out of your apartment and have all of your friends there all of the time. Unfortunately, back in Roanoke, that is not the case. I am really looking forward to going home and re-establishing a community there. Hopefully, I will begin volunteer leading Young Life in Roanoke and I will be getting more involved in my church so both of those will offer great community and fellowship. It has been a blessing learning from these women of all ages older than me.

It has been funny because even though I am off, I find myself still playing with all of the little ones just as much, if not more, than when I am on duty. All I know is that God has put a deep love for children in my heart. I think there is so much to be learned from children and they really are just fascinating little people. There is a reason the Lord favors children. They are so precious and innocent. They know what they want and they have no hesitation to ask for it. It always amazes me when they go up to someone and just say "can I have that?" I couldn't imagine doing that but really adults are like that. We want things, we find ways to get what we want but we just aren't as honest and upfront about it. Kids laugh at everything, they get joy from the simplest things. At what point in our lives do we stop laughing at the little things like chasing fireflies or someone blowing raspberries on their stomachs. I wish I could just say what I'm feeling, not care about embarrassing myself, laugh at silly things and have childlike faith. In worship on Sunday, Eric was giving the talk and told this story about his little boy (one of the boys I babysit, who is always laughing, smiling and running around). They were at a church event and afterward Eric was watching Nathan play from across the room. He was laughing and running around and he looks up and spots his Dad. He drops his toys and runs to his Dad and runs into his arms. Eric was choking up telling us this story and saying how he wished he had the childlike faith to run to God like that.

Today was a fun day. I woke up early and did a workout with some of the wives on Assigned Team. I realized quickly that I am sorely out of shape and need to get my act together. After a nap and shower I drove down to Kennesaw, Ga, about an hour away and visited with my friend Katie. Katie and I did Summer Staff together in 2009 and she was one of my closest friends there. She and I have kept in touch over the past two years and I was so excited to be close enough to go visit her. I love having friends that you can go two years without seeing and pick right back up where you started.

I still have two and a half weeks here and I am so excited for what the Lord is going to reveal to me in my remaining time here.

Oh He Loves Us.

This is an amazing song that was introduced to me this week. How He Loves Us by the David Crowder Band. I really enjoy listening to worship music, I enjoy more contemporary stuff. One of the guys on Assigned Team, Eric, leads the songs at Club for the campers and I noticed how he wasn't wearing shoes, so I jokingly said "Nice shoes Eric". He explained to me that when he plays music for kids or speaks he never wears shoes. He told me that it was because in the Bible it talks about taking off your shoes when you are on holy ground. He said when he plays or speaks to kids that is holy ground to him. I thought that was so awesome.

I am continually amazed by the members of the Assigned Team who are on Young Life staff. Their faithfulness and just the way they love the Lord and love kids is really amazing to me. I especially love watching the parents with their own kids and watch how they love their kids so well. I only hope that I can set such an example for my kids and raise them to be children of God. I am learning a lot how to be patient with kids and stopping myself before I get frustrated by telling myself "they are little, they are innocent and precious and they don't know any better."

The past few days I have spent most of my time with Delaney, the four year old because what I have learned about Nathan, the six year old, is that Dad is his hero and he is way cooler than me so spending time with Dad = cooler than time with Brynn. I have always been so fascinated by children and by the mind of kids, the things they say and understand just warm my heart. I put Delaney down every night and tell her to say her prayers and in the sweetest four year old voice she says "Now I lay me down to sleep,I pray the Lord my soul to keep, bless Mommy, Daddy, Riley, Landon and Nathan and help me be a good girl." I just love it. Nathan, Delaney and I were walking yesterday and the campers were having Cabin Time. Nathan asked what Cabin Time was for and I explained that it was when campers could ask questions about Jesus and that some of them didn't know who Jesus was. He looked at me baffled and said "They don't know who Jesus is!?". I loved that he was so shocked that anyone doesn't know about Jesus.

The most unusual thing to get used to is all of the confused looks people give me when they see me with the kids. I can tell they are thinking "Are you the Mom?". I got asked the other night during the Assigned Team Guac Party (we love guacamole) by one of the AT guys "So, are you a wife?". My response was "NOooooohohoho I am most certainly not, I'm just a nanny". It makes me happy at least that I look old enough to have children at all, let alone be a wife, better than being asked what grade I'm in.

Delaneyisms:
She puts deodorant on every morning.
She calls her bathing suit top her bra.
She told me she wanted one of the Moms to braid her hair instead of me so I pretended to be sad and stuck my bottom lip out and she said "You are a big girl, you drive a car, you aren't supposed to pout" and mocked the face I was making.
She saw me flossing my teeth and asked for some, I told her she didn't need it and she said "Yes I floss all the time! The monkey dentist always gives me floss." I have no idea what the monkey dentist is.
I told her I had to call a friend of mine back and she said "What's her name?" I said "It's a boy." and she raised her eyebrows and gave me this look like "Oh, a boy huh".

Basically the girl is hilarious and she does things to make me smile and laugh everyday. I love that even though I am taking care of the Faisons I find myself playing with all of the other kids and loving on them just as much. God has really blessed me with energy enough to play with the large amount of little ones on this assignment and blessed me with the ability to love on kids.

Some pictures:
Landon, Delaney and Nathan. Such hams.



I asked Nathan if I could take a picture and he sauntered over to the fence, climbed up there and struck a pose. Model potential?



Look at those boys and their serious model poses.



Delaney and Adelai, Partners in Crime.



Long post, I know. I'll leave you with a verse I read last night that I really loved.
In the story Jesus is talking to Martha, who is upset that he is showing her sister Mary favor when Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet and not helping Martha. Jesus tells Martha "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." Luke 10:41-42 Jesus is telling Martha that Mary is focusing on him and listening to him rather than fussing over trivial things. I am a worrying and I get upset really easily but I the only thing I need to do is focus on God, that is all I need.

So Far So Good

After a super long 7 hour drive down to Georgia yesterday I made it safely to Jasper. There was horrible rain/thunder/lightning for a few hours while I was driving through Tennessee. I absolutely hate driving in the rain, especially torrential downpour, so I gladly put my hazards on and drove 40mph in a 70mph zone. I know I have mentioned before I am an anxious driver, well for those couple hours in the rain I was just praying for the end of the storms to be near. When I got into town I met up with the Faison's and went to dinner at camp with the rest of the Work Crew/Summer Staff/Assigned Team. We stayed in a hotel last night because last session's Assigned Team moved out this morning, so we couldn't move into camp until today. After dinner I went back to the hotel with the kids and their Mom and we all just hung out and watched t.v. until bed time.

I learned very quickly that these kids say the funniest/cutest things and as I am very easily entertained they will definitely keep me laughing. For example, Delaney (4yrs) walks into the room and says to her brother Nathan (6yrs) "Nathan Andrew! WHERE did you put the toothpaste?". I cracked up because she said it like she was his mom or something and she hit him with the double name which just really tickled me. It did not take long for the kids to warm up to me or anything and they already seem to trust me so that is great. I have a lot of respect for their Mom, because I can already see that while they are good kids, 4 kids is a handful. I really think the Lord is gonna help me with my patience and my nurturing a lot this month.

We moved into camp this morning and I went to Worship with the rest of the Work Crew/Summer Staff/Assigned Team because their Mom was watching the little ones while she was unpacking everybody. I really really enjoyed Worship this morning and the message that Doug (he's on the Assigned Team) shared with us. He talked about following the Lord, no matter where the Lord is leading us. We can say "Oh yeah, God I'll follow you wherever" but when it comes down to it, truly following the Lord wherever will cost us something. His message wasn't that following the Lord hurts us, but that sometimes you have to let go of those things that are dragging you down that you are holding on to in order to follow the Lord. Maybe the Lord is telling us to pursue something, but we are doubtful about taking that path. Doug spoke about not letting things that are going on at home distract us from the experience we are about to start this month, whether or not they are good things. I know my place here this month is a little different, because I am not serving campers, but I am serving these kids I am watching and I am pursuing the Lord. I felt convicted because I know I am distracted right now by things not having to do with my month here. I am really gonna try to make sure I spend time with the Lord every day and focus on him and following him wherever he wants to take me, particularly when I go home next month.

Something today that has me distracted is Father's Day. There are lots of Dads here on the Assigned Team and watching them interact with their kids just makes my heart ache for my Dad. My Dad passed away 7 years ago on July 1, so this couple week span is always kind of difficult for me. I miss my Dad everyday and so many things remind me of him. I watch Dads and their kids and it makes me glad that I had such a great Dad growing up, but also sad about not having him here now that I am old enough to really appreciate him. I know he is always looking after me, but I wish I could just give him a big hug today. Happy Father's Day everyone, give your Dad a big hug and tell him how much you love and appreciate him.

Georgia On My Mind

Tomorrow morning I will be packing up and heading to Jasper, Georgia for four weeks.

"What the heck is in Jasper, Georgia Brynn?"

There is a beautiful Young Life camp called Sharp Top Cove in the small town of Jasper and I will spending four weeks nannying four children(ages 10, 8, 6 & 4). I met this family two summers ago when I was serving on Summer Staff at another Young Life camp in North Carolina. I pretty much fell in love with the kids then so when this opportunity came about I was so excited. I will be spending my time just hanging out with the kids, mainly the younger two. I am really excited because I will get to really observe all that goes into Young Life camp. Instead of serving campers, which is what I have done in the past, I am going to have the chance to witness hundreds of high school students hear the gospel each week. I also get to see an amazing team of Work Crew, Summer Staff and Assigned Team members serve Christ and serve these campers.

My pursuit right now is Christ and deepening my relationship with him. I am also really trying to focus on becoming a stronger witness, woman, daughter, sister, and friend. In my favorite book Blue Like Jazz (I know I mention it all of the time), Donald Miller talks about loving yourself and loving others. He says that in order to fully "Love your neighbor as yourself" you have to first and foremost love yourself. This is my biggest struggle. I am my own worst critic. Miller says that when you are able to really love yourself you can then love others and others can love you. I know how to love others and this is actually something I pride myself on, I love loving on other people. Now I am just charged with growing stronger as an individual and as a follower of Christ.

I am going to take a break from Facebook while I am there, but I will be trying to update my blog pretty frequently just with what God is teaching me and probably really great miracles I will witness each week.

Peace

It has been almost two weeks since graduation and I have moved back to Roanoke. I haven't been doing much other than working and hanging out at home. Really though, I haven't even started unpacking everything. That could just be denial that I'm not moving back to school, or out of Roanoke anytime soon. I have been struggling a lot since I have been home just trying to figure out where my life is going. I know there is no sense trying to figure it out because God's timing is much different than mine and I know all of that will be revealed to me in due time. Not to mention, there are so many people I miss from school that I wish weren't hours away! Luckily for me, I am going back to Newport News next weekend because I still have a lot of stuff to get from my apartment and bring back. I am counting down the days to see some of my good friends that are still there.

I know I mention a lot how I struggle with anxiety and I overthink everything. I mean everything. One thing the Lord has really been showing me since I have been home is that I need to learn patience. This past week my devotional was focusing on God's Voice. I read a lot of scripture about listening to the Lord and I think that could not be more perfect for me right now. I need to stop and listen for the Lord over all of my anxious and doubtful thoughts. Each week a part of my devotional is to focus on one of the Psalms. Last week it was Psalm 29. Verse 11 says "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." I have been feeling particularly weak lately but this verse really permeated my thoughts. The Lord told Paul "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Paul writes about rejoicing over his weakness, because when he is weak the Lord makes him strong. I completely related to that, because right now I am feeling weak and I need to lean on the Lord and let him strengthen me. Today I had to work at 4:30... a.m. (Yes people come to the gym that early, crazy!) and I just felt such a sense of peace descending on me.

One way the Lord has definitely answered some prayers for me lately is by blessing me with an awesome opportunity. Two summers ago when I was serving on Summer Staff at Young Life's Windy Gap, one of the families on the Assigned Team was the Faison's. Sarah and Eric have four kids, all of which I absolutely fell in love with. This summer they are on assignment at Young Life's Sharp Top Cove and because Sarah is starting a new job, they need a nanny. I semi-jokingly offered up my services and Sarah asked me to be their nanny. It's official! I will be spending four weeks, June 17 - July 18, being their nanny. I am really excited for the opportunity to return to Sharp Top and be a witness to campers having the best week of their lives and for many of them, accepting Christ. My favorite part of each week is during the last club during the "Say So" when they ask the campers who have decided to begin a relationship with Christ to stand and "say so". It gets me every time and brings tears to my eyes. The month will be a much different experience than I have had before but I am so excited for what the month has in store.

P.S. If you are searching for a good book, I just read "Heaven is For Real". I couldn't put it down and it is a really easy read. It's a wonderful story and really uplifting.

New Phase

This past Sunday I graduated from CNU. The rain held off and while the morning started out overcast, about halfway through Commencement the sun popped out and it ended up being an absolutely beautiful day. I know a lot of people got sunburnt and even though I was a little miserable in my black robes with the sun blaring down, I was protected from the sun. Last week and the days leading up to graduation were pretty difficult for me. Friday was my last day of work at the Freeman Center, where I worked all four years and at the end of my shift I definitely started crying. It was the first time I had to start saying goodbye to people and the realization that it was all over hit me like a brick wall. That evening we had our PLP (President's Leadership Program) Senior Celebration and it was again another closing to something I have been a part of for the past four years. During the ceremony a friend of mine had to give a speech and he talked about how it's the relationships we've built with people that we are going to remember. I can honestly say I have made some amazing friends over the past four years. Many of them older that have gone on to bigger and better things, those who have gone through the entire experience with me and some younger that I am leaving behind and I cannot wait to see what their final years bring for them.

Commencement was such a bittersweet experience for me because while I am thrilled to be done with school, I know we won't all be in one place again. Everyone is moving on and starting the new phases of their lives, or some are finishing up their remaining years at CNU. The biggest thing I have been struggling with is the idea that I am starting over here in Roanoke. I am now charged with building new friendships and finding those ties to my hometown that I used to have. I have only been home for a day and a half but in my boredom, it is really sinking in that I need to reconnect to this place. A friend of mine put it to me this way, going back to Newport News right now won't do me a lot of good because eventually everyone I know is going to be graduating and in the same boat I am in now, this is just a part of growing up and a new phase in my life. That is a hard pill to swallow.

I am incredibly excited to see what the Lord has planned for me over the next year, but I am also absolutely terrified. So if you feel so inclined to just say a little prayer that I will find some comfort and that God will just lead me in this new phase of my life, I would really appreciate it.

God's Word

"For the word of God is living and active." Hebrews 4:12

The section I am in of my Devotional is "Shaped by His Word". The focus is about how to dive into scripture and how to let scripture lead your daily life. After all, scripture is God's word right? It always seems to me that whenever something is heavy on my heart, God uses scripture to set me at ease and to answer the questions on my mind. The hardest part about a heavenly Father is that as humans we need something tangible. It is hard to have a relationship with someone you can't physically see. My thought is that through prayer and just being in the Word you are in company with God. Something I struggle with is the concept that God wants a relationship with me. Who am I to deserve God's grace?

While I find that God answers my questions through scripture I know that he reaches me in other ways. Today I found solace through a book.

I am re-reading my favorite book, Blue Like Jazz, and there is a part when Donald Miller is telling a story about a conversation he had with one of his good friends who had recently gotten married. Don was asking his friend if he thought marriage was all it was cracked up to be and his friend said "It is so much more." His friend tells him that he thought that marriage would give him this feeling of being complete and whole, but it didn't. He says there is nothing wrong with his wife but "there are places in our lives that only God can go." When I first started reading the section I was annoyed but then I felt convicted. His friend explains what he meant by saying "It is so much more." He means that through loving his wife he is able to better interact with God. He says "I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love."

It's like the words jumped off the page and smacked me in the face. By loving others and allowing others to love me, to find myself lovable, I will learn how to accept who God is and be in a relationship with him. I struggle a lot with loving myself and uncertainty over how to love other people. I feel selfish because I don't feel like I have truly learned how to care about other people in the way they need. I rely a lot on acceptance from other people, but the reality I am dealing with is that I have to be accepting of myself first. I have to learn how to accept God's grace and how to accept myself. I have to find my worth in this world before I can be "loved purely and furiously" by any friend I make.

So I feel like this is my charge as I enter the "real world" post college: Learn how to accept God's grace. Learn how to accept myself. Learn how to build relationships with other people that benefit us both, not just me. Learn how to care for others. Learn humility.

School's Out For... Ever

It is official, I am done with college. I finished my last assignment Saturday (a picture book, yes my last assignment to complete for undergrad was to draw and color a 32 page picture book). After I turned in my picture book I was walking across campus holding back tears because it hit me that it was all over. I was looking at our beautiful, sprawling campus and thinking about this place that had been my home for the past four years that I am going to be leaving in two weeks. I think I have been in denial that this day would ever come and graduation always seemed like a far off place I wouldn't reach for a really long time.

There are many reasons I am not ready to say bye to CNU. I don't want to say bye to these people I have spent the last four years establishing relationships with. I don't want to say bye to the younger friends I have made that I will leave behind here. I don't want to say bye to my sorority sisters and the bonds I have formed with these amazing women, particularly my littles. I am going to miss being able to just walk to the library and go to Einstein's to find a friend if I am bored. I will miss, much like high school, being able to walk across campus and always seeing a familiar face. Basically, if you haven't gotten the gist, I am going to miss this place like crazy.

I am moving back to Roanoke after graduation. For the last few weeks of the school year I will be substitute teaching and this summer I am going to be working my regular jobs at the RAC and Katie's Ice Cream. It will be good not to jump right into a really serious job when I go home for the summer. Once school starts back in August I will be substitute teaching for the school year and working part time at my other jobs. I am really looking forward to what this next year will hold in store. I will have the freedom to visit new places and come visit all of my friends at CNU. I won't be tied down to Roanoke, which is a great thing. I am really interested to see how my faith grows next year as well. I cannot wait to be able to go to my church again and have a more active role there. I am going to look into volunteer leading with Young Life or serving some ministry, I am not quite sure yet what but I know I want to. I really pray next year I am able to find fellowship, I know without it I will go a little bonkers.

I am currently re-reading for the bajillionth time Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. The subtitle is 'Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality'. It is a phenomenal book and it really makes you think a lot so I recommend it to any and every one!

Final Countdown...

So I kind of failed on that whole posting every week until school was over thing. It's been a crazy past few weeks! This week is my last week of classes, tomorrow is my last day of class and then I have three finals and a picture book to do next week. Eeek! I am only slightly freaking out. I really have no idea how to sum up the past few years, so I guess I'm not going to. I graduate in less than a month and I really can't believe it is actually here. Two of my good friends are getting married this weekend and I am so excited to celebrate with them. I have known the groom since the 7th grade, he's from back home, and I have known the bride since 9th grade, she was one of my older sister's roommates here at CNU. It will be my first real wedding and I just know that having all of our high school friends together will be so much fun!

I'm kind of just rambling ...

a verse that is on my mind today ~ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. colossians 3:15

I have been praying a lot lately for peace about what this summer/next year hold for me. I know that the Lord is taking care of my and has a wonderful plan laid out for me.

Welcome Back

Soo I took a rather long sabbatical from blogging this year. I don't know if I was lacking motivation or I just felt like there wasn't much to blog about. Regardless, I have decided to restart.

This week starts the last of 5 weeks I have left at CNU, including Finals. In five weeks I will be done with my undergraduate experience here at CNU. Each week for the next four I am going to do a recap of each year here. In seven weeks I will walk across stage and receive my Diploma, shake President Trible's hand and hug Rosemary Trible and it will all be over.

It is a very surreal feeling, for the past few weeks particularly I have been reflecting on the past four years. I have been remembering the fun times and I know every day how much I am going to miss this place and the people here. I will miss seeing dozens of people I know every day, people I can hug and share laughs with. I am definitely prepared to be done with classes, but I know whatever I end up doing next year I will be at the least, four hours away from here :(

I cannot wait to see the plans God has for me next year and I am just really trusting that whatever happens will be the best for me.