Beauty

I work a lot... too much ... it's funny how I gave up the idea of being a lawyer because I didn't want that "90 hour a week" lifestyle, yet it seems that I would be perfectly fine with that. I legitimately think I might have an addiction, work-a-holics anonymous here I come.

Anyway, I use that as a caveat into the point of this post. Beauty. More specifically the Lord's beauty. I was sitting at the pool this morning at work and while I watched the sun rise, as I have many days this summer, I realized that the simple scene of the rising sun is such a stunning portrait of the Lord's beauty. Each time I watch the sun rise I think about how each sunrise is like a personal painting the Lord created, what an amazing gift. To people who don't believe, I say watch the sun rise and you will see that there is no way we are here for no reason.

This morning's sunrise reminded me that I need to look for the Lord's beauty every day. That being said, each day (well that's my goal) I am going post how I saw the Lord's beauty. My blog is titled 'Keeping The Faith' and for me seeing the Lord's beauty each day is the way I keep mine.

Today I saw the Lord's beauty in a man. I have seen this man a few times now. This man comes early in the morning to swim with a friend of his. You may think "Okay Brynn, what does that have to do with the Lord's beauty?" Well, the thing is this man has never seen me, he is blind. He comes to the pool with his friend, holding his friend's elbow to lead him. He and his friend swim for maybe an hour. This man seems so cheerful and watching him swim laps so pleasantly shows me the Lord's beauty. I do not know if this man has been blind his whole life or if something happened to cause his loss of vision. I think about how I couldn't swim laps with my eyes shut or I'd be all over the place, yet he does it with proficiency. It made me think about what it must be like to not have ever seen the sunrise. This man seems so content and that was so humbling to me because I assuredly take my eyesight for granted. I encourage you to get up and watch the sunrise, realizing that the Lord has blessed you with not only the sunrise but the ability to see that sunrise.



Credit:Waterford, Ireland

Anxiety

Well it turns out that I am not the best (most consistent) blogger. Either I don't have much to say or I'm way to busy working all of the time, maybe it is both?? As much as I love earning money and feeling financially secure for when I go back to school next month, I am really worn out. I am actually looking forward to going back to school and getting into the "daily grind", it will feel like a vacation compared to the "summer" I've been having. I am really looking forward to classes and being back around friends.

The reason for this post. One of my good friends was in a head on collision today, going 50 mph, they had to use the "Jaws of Life" to get him out of the car, serious surgery on his legs to follow.All because the other driver didn't know how to drive on his side of the road. He is fine right now but this does nothing for my s.e.v.e.r.e. anxiety when I'm in a car. Like I am talking severe severe anxiety. I reach the verge of tears more and more often now when I ride passenger. I think one day I will give my self a heart attack because I get so worked up and nervous. I know here soon I won't be able to ride in the car with other people if I don't work on my anxiety. I feel bad that I can't just relax in the car, even if I'm driving I get anxiety.

I have nightmares about getting in horrible car wrecks, like movie status car wrecks. This probably doesn't help either. I just need to learn to take deep breaths and just trust that I have a long life ahead of me....

6 Years

It's been 6 years since you didn't wake up. It's been 6 years since I got that telephone call from across the Atlantic when I was in Wales. It's been 6 years since I had to tell my 10 year old brother on his birthday that you were gone. It's been since years since we laid you to rest.

Every year this week is the hardest. Every year I think of this day as the day you died and as the day I found out. Every year I think about the tomorrow as the day I left my People to People friends in London and flew home. Every year I think about the 4th, Dillon's 10th birthday and how Mom, Maygon and I had to tell him you wouldn't be at his birthday party and watched him say through tears "He died?". Every year I think about the 8th as the last day I ever saw you, the day I stood at your coffin for hours crying. Every year I think of the 9th as the day I told everyone at the funeral that you were in a better place. With the passing of every year I feel like I lose a little piece of you, I forget a memory and I lose the sound of your voice.

For the rest of my life every time something big happens, Driver's License, High School Graduation, College Graduation, Marriage, Children... a part of me aches because I know you won't be there. I wake up every day knowing that we don't get to have our daily phone call. I know for as long as I live a part of me will be missing because you are gone, a part of me I can never get back. A part of me was buried with you. I watch home videos and you're voice gives me chills, it brings tears to my eyes to hear you say "Brynnie".

I ask myself "Who is gonna give me away at my wedding? Who is going to give the poor sucker permission? What will I tell my kids about you? When will I get to talk to you again?" It almost feels like a dream, that maybe one day I'll wake up and you'll be here. I've had that dream many times, but I always wake up and I know that you are still in the same place you've been for six years, in the Sowder Cemetary.

My first memory is of you... walking to you holding my little hands in the air begging you to pick me up.

There are some things I will never forget:
I'll always be your "Brynnie" and no one elses.
You bought me more Pokemon cards than any kid ever needed.
You would drive 45 minutes to pick me up from school when I didn't feel good.
The way you smelled.
UVA will always be superior to Virginia Tech.
The NSYNC concert you taped for be because you knew they were my favorite.
The 98 Degrees concert you took me to, and even though I was mad you made us leave before the last song was over, it was okay because we met Jessica Simpson.
The time you let me drive the Pathfinder up the driveway while sitting on your lap.
Coming into your room at night to tell you goodnight and you'd be reading with just the lamp on your nightstand on.
The two rainbows we saw on my birthday that you stopped in the middle of the road so we could take a picture of them.
Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World was one of your favorite songs.
The last thing you read, by the light of your lamp on the nightstand, before you went to sleep that night was the Bible.

I could go on forever. You will always be the number one man in my life. No one could ever replace you. You are my Daddy forever and always.

Love,

Your Brynnie