Every year this week is the hardest. Every year I think of this day as the day you died and as the day I found out. Every year I think about the tomorrow as the day I left my People to People friends in London and flew home. Every year I think about the 4th, Dillon's 10th birthday and how Mom, Maygon and I had to tell him you wouldn't be at his birthday party and watched him say through tears "He died?". Every year I think about the 8th as the last day I ever saw you, the day I stood at your coffin for hours crying. Every year I think of the 9th as the day I told everyone at the funeral that you were in a better place. With the passing of every year I feel like I lose a little piece of you, I forget a memory and I lose the sound of your voice.
For the rest of my life every time something big happens, Driver's License, High School Graduation, College Graduation, Marriage, Children... a part of me aches because I know you won't be there. I wake up every day knowing that we don't get to have our daily phone call. I know for as long as I live a part of me will be missing because you are gone, a part of me I can never get back. A part of me was buried with you. I watch home videos and you're voice gives me chills, it brings tears to my eyes to hear you say "Brynnie".
I ask myself "Who is gonna give me away at my wedding? Who is going to give the poor sucker permission? What will I tell my kids about you? When will I get to talk to you again?" It almost feels like a dream, that maybe one day I'll wake up and you'll be here. I've had that dream many times, but I always wake up and I know that you are still in the same place you've been for six years, in the Sowder Cemetary.
My first memory is of you... walking to you holding my little hands in the air begging you to pick me up.
There are some things I will never forget:
I'll always be your "Brynnie" and no one elses.
You bought me more Pokemon cards than any kid ever needed.
You would drive 45 minutes to pick me up from school when I didn't feel good.
The way you smelled.
UVA will always be superior to Virginia Tech.
The NSYNC concert you taped for be because you knew they were my favorite.
The 98 Degrees concert you took me to, and even though I was mad you made us leave before the last song was over, it was okay because we met Jessica Simpson.
The time you let me drive the Pathfinder up the driveway while sitting on your lap.
Coming into your room at night to tell you goodnight and you'd be reading with just the lamp on your nightstand on.
The two rainbows we saw on my birthday that you stopped in the middle of the road so we could take a picture of them.
Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World was one of your favorite songs.
The last thing you read, by the light of your lamp on the nightstand, before you went to sleep that night was the Bible.
I could go on forever. You will always be the number one man in my life. No one could ever replace you. You are my Daddy forever and always.
Love,
Your Brynnie
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